Untitled

Just got back from a friend's wedding (well, actually, from a friend's wedding reception). I had to hang out here at the office because at this time (9:31pm), traffic still sucks! yeah, and I had to take a cab cuz of all these pre-wedding costume changes.

I was gonna post my fabulous pics from my bora trip, but then for some reason, I got so pikon when some very private pics were "stolen" from my pc. Now I know how these hollywood pips get so ines when the razzis start taking their photos without their consent. Duh! there's a reason why it's stored in one's "PERSONAL COMPUTER" cuz it's supposed to be PERSONAL!

It was me in a towel! What could you possibly get from that except annoy those who you will show it to! I purposely not emailed it to anyone because of the simple fact that it could get out. I didn't email it to my bestfriend of 11 years, because i didn't want it to get out!

Hindi naman sa nag fi-feeling ako or what. Hello, alam kong minsan umaangulo akong derek ramsay, pero naman hindi pa well-toned ang muscles ko. kahiya sa ibang taong hindi ko naman kaibigan, na makakita di ba? And hindi ko naman pinagkakailang ipakita ang pics na yun cuz it was supposed to be taken for fun. Na pag pinakita ko sa ibang tao, matatawa sila. In other words, punchline ko yun, Ako dapat nagpapakita! Wag kang mang agaw ng punchline! kung wala kang sense of humor eh tigilan ang pag eeffort na magpatawa using other people's punchline!

See, i really don't mind about other people seeing the pics. I took those so that others could see it and they end up laughing, if not nauseated, either way, i get the kicks out of it!

My thing really is, the pics were not suppose to leave my workstation. The operative word being MY. I just hate the feeling that people can actually get personal stuff from my workstation and pronounce to everyone that it's actually cool to do that! I've worked here for 2 years and I've never done that to anyone's workstation, because no one is supposed to do that!

And now, I have to do this "standby mode" every time i leave my desk for fear of other files, personal or otherwise, being downloaded from my workstation, and spread around like a joke! Arggggh, i hate not trusting the people i work with! kaines di ba, parang something was taken away from me. It's not the pics, but the freedom of trusting the people around you!

Sorry, if i'm making a big deal out of this, pero kase, major violation yun eh, hindi na nga sa code of discipline cuz i'm not really a big fan of issuing memos, pero more of a personal violation. i mean, di ba, ni-share ko na nga eh, pinakita ko na eh! hindi pa be enough yun! kaines di ba!

People would argue na, "ano ka ba, hello, gawin bang big deal, pictures lang yan, eh palage namang bukas yung workstation mo, tapos pinakita mo pa to everyone, so anong binoblog mo jan".

But precisely my point, the reason i leave my workstation on, kahit may financials jan, is i trust the people around me! because i don't do that to other people! i don't go on downloading personal documents from other people's workstation, because there is no reason for me to do it! And now, i can't do it anymore! grrrrrr!

That is why i'm so pikon! Ang conscious ko na ngayon sa pc ko! Haaay buti na lang at may christmas party para ma divert ang attention ko!

sige na at kailangan ko pang i-standby mode tong pc ko!

my bora sunset

i tried to duplicate my galera sunset (which is perfection, pero since di pa digital camera nun, never ko atang mauupload dahil hindi ako marunong mag scan). so here's the bora version:

I

MATAPOBRE CHRONICLES

What right does someone have to verbally abuse people who have done nothing wrong to them just because they think they can do it. just because they think that these people need their jobs and couldnt fight back!

this is to them: YOU DESERVE THE WORST PLACE IN HELL!

It's so sad that some people treat others badly because they think they can! But what's sadder is they lose the respect of everyone around them and when that happens, a miserable life of paranoia awaits them! i could not wait to see this unfold!

WHATEVER!

When people say don't assume things about them, they should start sticking to their word so i just don't "assume" that they can't be trusted with their word! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

liars go to hell!

AT THIRTY

At thirty, have I found what I want, or i just keep quitting for the wrong reasons?

At thirty, do I stop reacting and just start doing without reacting?

At thirty, do I stop questioning?

At thirty, do I stop saying what I feel, and start sanitizing?

At thirty, do I start compromising?

At thirty, do i stop growing?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

It's been a fairly happy birthday! It was all about doing my favorite things today:

As soon as I woke up, 11:00am, I went to David's for a haircut, my hair's pretty short pa naman, pero I wanted a haircut with Felma. She's the only haircutter I know who'd compliment me on being kulot. Hahahaha, so me bias na ko haha!

I was done in about 15 minutes, went home, had lunch then went to Feet R Us! Woohoooo, had 2 hours of massage, the most relaxing thing ever -- foot massage! Ang steady talaga nila mag massage, hindi minamadale! I love them!

And I had to buy stuff for my handa tomorrow and my handa sa haus tonight! I decided to make my pasta dish. Met up with my dad sa SM Centerpoint, kase di ko kaya magbuhat mag isa hahaha! but before we started doing the grocery, shempre merienda muna ng aking paboritong..................... 3M pizza! Woohoooo!

san ka pa!

HAPPINESS IS RELATIVE

2 days ago, i was having one of those days where i don't really want to be where i was at! thus, the post below! yesterday, i just realized that i'm not really commitment phobic. i just don't like commitments. it boxes you into 4-walled situations that you can't get out of at any given point that you want to. but as they say, that's the point of commitment, you have to do things not according to what you want but according to the commitment made.

yikes. so not me.

anyway, sabe nga one day at a time! pero sana umabot ako ng isang buwan na paisa-isang araw hahahaha!

RANDOM RANTINGS AT 30

This has been the 3rd time that I resigned and went back to IQ/MTC. I was to start my new job with a company that's part of one of the biggest conglomerates in the country. It would have been my dream job, or so i thought! Days after I signed the contract, I was having second thoughts already.

The source?

MTC/IQ. So much left to do, and yet here I was about to leave everything behind. And the thought of it, just kept playing in my mind again and again. Like hearing the radio ad of "Kyowa, kyowa, kyowa type kita" once, and then you start singing it the whole day.

I've got 2 days to decide, cuz I start the next week! I knew in my heart what I wanted, I was just so afraid, that if i did go back, it would have to be for the long haul. I had to commit myself!

August 19, 2008, I am officially an MTC/IQ employee again! As soon as I officially announced this, disapprovals just poured like rain! Hahahahahahahahaha! As in, major explain to everyone, na kesyo, "it's what I really want", "it's what will make me happy" as in! But I just knew it, I made the right decision, I had peace in my heart!

Now, does it mean that I am commiting? I guess so!

Or so I thought!

Fast-forward to today, September 8, 2008. All of a sudden, I had this sinking feeling that I just want to do something else! What that is, I don't know!

Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! I really think i need serious psychiatric help!!!!!!!!! (ym status as of:8:45pm, 09082008)

I dunno, it just hit me! I want something else! I was in the car with Ry and Sir Jin, and I just blurted out, "I think I need a hobby".

Sitting here just running a quick self-evaluation: Is there really something wrong with me? Or it's just basic human nature, that everyone, at some point in their lives, they end up in crossroads, thinking what their next steps would be? Do I turn left or right, make a u-turn, counter-flow, or a full-stop? Mas madalas lang mangyari sa ken, but I think it happens to everyone.

I am turning 30 next week! And what bothers me is that it doesn't even bother me that I am turning 30 and am going nowhere! I might come across as someone headed in the right direction, UPWARD! Climbing all the way up the corporate ladder! Well, it's more like corporate steps here in mtc, not that much of a ladder really hahahahahaha! But take off the fun-loving, funny, happy-go-lucky, smart-ass veneer, I am just as clueless as any 12-year old kid going through his first signs of puberty.

I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM AND WHO I WANT TO BE! AND I AM 30!

I've always loved this gavin de graw song, "I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately, all I wanna do is think of me and I have peace of mind, yeahhh"

But I'm 30, so I don't think I'm in the position to be singing this song hahahahaha!

But I've always been like this. If I am sure about one thing about myself is that i do what i want, and I don't think about what people say!

But I'm 30, ahahahahaha!

Do I really want what I have? Yes I do. I am not getting the feeling na ayoko na, what I'm getting is ayoko na muna to! They say that I should stop feeling, that I'm too emotional, that i decide with my heart! That I should not let my heart rule over my mind! But I'm all heart! And I'm 30!

I always get like this, when I'm so close to getting close, I pull away, I don't know why, but I pull away! And now, I can feel it, i feel like pulling away. I know the signs. and they're there! I know, because the thought of a long-term commitment scares me! It scares me like hell! I can't breathe, I can't think! I just feel like running away, as far away as possible, never looking back, never stopping, just thoughtlessly running, running to God knows where!

I know this drill, I've done it so many times in the past, with relationships that could've been, for jobs that should've been, for friendships I could've saved, for things I should've said and done! If God gave me an exam on this, I could easily ace this one! 100%, Perfect, flat 1!

But I tried it with MTC/IQ, thrice! And I keep going back! why? have i found what i want? or i just keep quitting for the wrong reasons?

I know naman na there are things I have to do pa here, pero question ko nga, why do i keep on wanting to runaway! Someone once told me, na if it's not fun, i don't wanna do it anymore! Could be true, but why now, when everything is just about the right amount of fun!

Yikes, siguro nga I need a hobby! Or baka naman today lang to! Kaya lang mejo 1 week na eh hahahahaha!

Text text na lang!

LI'L MIRACLES

You know how we always say, to see is to believe? Sometimes, we see ourselves in situations where we are so thinning in faith and we dare challenge God to prove himself to us? I've been into so many situations. But you know what God just showed me today, you have to believe first before you see! that's the essence of faith! Believe and you will see!

Just earlier today, I was on this way to this interview. A surprise interview really, as I have not been expecting anything from them, as it has been a month since i last saw them! The interview was with the President! The time was 9:30am, and i woke up early, set to leave early, but as usual, i was again, running late! well, i had a good 45 minutes to make it to Ortigas, but, you know how traffic gets.

The moment i stepped out of our house, I prayed that I need a cab to get to ortigas cuz if i commuted, i'd surely be late! before, i'd be like this, "Lord, taxi, Lord taxi, Lord taxi......" not calling to God out of faith, but just ranting out of desperation. hehehe. but today, I just prayed, "Lord, i'm praying for a cab to take me to Ortigas".

Lo and behold, pag dating na pagdating ko sa kanto, me nakapark na taxi right where i usually hail for a cab. Kala ko me hinihintay na pasahero, yun pala, hintay lang daw nya bayad, kase buo yung pera, so sakay na daw ako!!!!

woohoooo!

Believe and you will see!

MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!

For the past 3 weeks, the church's message has been all about finances. From the first Sunday, I have decided to give my tithes again. As I have not been doing so for the time I have been away from church.

So by the time I gave my first tithes to my new home (vcf pa din pero greenhills na, mas malapet than gale, hehehe) this has been running through my mind: "oh Lord ayan ha, i gave na my tithes, yun na lang muna, the other things you want to deal in my life (e.g. sins, sins, and more sins), next time na. Yung tithing muna, yun muna obey ko! siguro naman, okay na sa yo yun!"

promise, this was really running through my head everyday for the past 2 weeks. why? just now i found out why it would run in my mind. why i had to sort of defend myself from God. here's the answer:

God has been dealing with me, stuff in my heart! stuff about my disobedient heart. so unconsciously, i have been negotiating with God as if pwede! para bang, "Lord, wag na muna yang mga yan, tsaka na yan, nag tithes na nga ako, helloooo Lord, major leap na yan for me! Sacrifice yan ha, and Lord, it has been my biggest tithe to date, so siguro naman mejo dito muna kayo mag fofocus! yung sinasabi mo sa ken, postpone muna naten to a later date!"

2 weeks na ganito ako!

up until last night, as i was to sleep, napatingin ako sa Bible ko (well, actually, yung family Bible, na kailangan ng mapalitan), and God just reminded me to just take it, and continue my reading with the book of Samuel. I was on the 15th chapter already.

As I was reading through chapter 15 (it was all about the Lord rejecting Saul as King because of guess what, disobedience hahahaha, talk about perfect timing). Samuel has told Saul that he disobeyed God. Saul argued that no, he did not disobey God. He did exactly as he was told. He destroyed everything during their war with the Amalekites. Then Samuel said, "what's with the sheep and the cattle" Then Saul argued that he brought the plunder to sacrifice to the Lord. Then the most powerful verse hit me:

"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams. "

And right then, I knew what God is saying to me is clear! He doesn't need my partial obedience. I need to obey him fully -- in every aspect of my life.

Then I instantly made a decision, from that moment on, I am deciding to obey God. And my prayer to God was, "Lord, you know what I am about to face deciding to obey you. You know very well how easily I fall, I cannot do it on my own Lord, I need your grace every second of every day! Cuz without it, I certainly will fall."